I'm alone and it starts to snow And I don't know where to go I am alone, and it starts to rain And I alone feel my pain Introducing The Quiet Terror of Being Alive Mom told me to write a happy song But I don't know how I'm going to do that And all around me is uncertainty All that's certain is uncertainty Introducing The Quiet Terror of Being Alive Introducing The Quiet Terror of Being Alive!

A man at work today bought groceries He told me not fear Christ's return He seemed at peace at whatever would come I wish I could find the same solace The grass in the cemetery is yellow As dead as its inhabitants Will the rain resurrect them all? When will that rain come? Maybe the rain is Christ Maybe my pain is Christ Maybe this drought is for a reason And this is just the Suffering Season Suck the marrow straight from my bones Leave me as a husk here all alone Let my eyeballs dry up as I rot in my grave As you lie in bed realize it was too late to save Me from the person that I've become The selfish and bitter ways have always won It's a perfect sunny day for my funeral as the breeze whispers secrets through the trees Maybe the rain is Christ Maybe my pain is Christ And maybe this drought is for a reason But this is just the Suffering Season Maybe the rain is Christ Maybe my pain is Christ And maybe this drought is for a reason But this is just the Suffering Season

It's sad to see your friends fall out of love You're worried you'll do the same Imprint so much onto them And watch their faces fill with shame But we're young, and we're stupid Do we even know what love is in the first place? It's something that we think we know Through music and movies We imprint so much hope on each other I look out the window I watch as she extinguishes her cigarette in the snow She knows she can do better than him She could do better than anyone she's slept with recently We walk in the dark We walk, guided by the blinding streetlights They make the snow seem so bright, its like an alien world I look at his face Can't make it out that well In The Shade Of The Tree, In The Moonlight I see a glimpse of color emanating from his cheeks There's something there, but he won't tell me

Someone turn...the kettle off It's hopping off...the pot Pour yourself...a cup of Irish breakfast tea Two weeks...after Election Day She's back...with him, he's here to stay Watch the plows...go down the street and clear it out Watch the snow fall out It's not white...like it was last night, it's all just brown Like the shit of my regrets He doesn't look...at me when he smokes By the bench...outside my building He doesn't care...no he's just complacent in this air Pick up the book...off the shelf and give it a look...it's Moby Dick I'm gonna get...that white whale someday soon My head is cluttered...with pictures and words from classic literature From Henry V...what was going on? I didn't understand they started speaking French...

The winter gets shorter, but the sadness remains I'll sit here and sigh as darkness envelops my days The cold wraps around me The streetlights are too bright The sadness abducts me Beams me up towards some sort of light It's something I saw on the Internet So it has to be right We've all got our own stuff going We're all trapped in our heads The clock keeps shrugging off the daylight Till we're all better off dead She poses ironically next to a grave with my last name on it There's frost on the ground, and it's snowed quite a bit We'll trudge through the sheets of This Serene Disaster All the while we know the misery is our master Do you hear the master's call? We've all got our own stuff going We're all trapped in our heads The clock keeps shrugging of the daylight Till we're all better off dead Do you hear the master's call?

I remembered the rain, as it wet the paper, a brief time spent in the waiting room, a rooster coop, birdless for now, but soon to be crowded with proud fowl. This must be heaven because nothing’s happening here, nothing’s changing, the sea-dusk light breaks through my window and I’m transported through the calm, crisp air. A derelict house whispers and shudders softly. Here, a star is born. She is born out of a supernova flirt and fight in the galaxies that we can’t see, the day is the same as night. To the west, vivid imagery flickers past my eyelids, bright lights and rich, red lipstick smiles, lips pursed lightly, sipping a glass of wine, thou shall not spill on the carpet. Take off those shoes, poor beggar, you will track mud. The paper is damp like my heart, a flickering, festering flame guarded by a child’s hand. Love’s not too far out of reach for me. Yet this violent, bludgeoning image batters itself into my brain. Fickle and profound, she became fond of what blood looked like caked on her skin. And she fancied herself to always be right, no matter how far she had to go to be right. She turned and said “Rememberest: I will love you forever, till the sun swallows us” I thought her eyes sparkled like a sun ready to devour, the silent vastness of space is no place for lovers. Here, where eyes are gouged from their sockets and mouths become bleeding, oozing cuts, her god-like form descends and blesses Mars with water, soft, cleansing rain that again soaks the paper I hold, foam-white soap floats on top of the bath water I furl my brow as I drop her old love letters in the tub. And to think I was so foolish to fall for the fragment miscreant, the perfume, vanilla scented and sinful, laughed around her hair Pennyroyal Tea by Nirvana played back as I felt myself falling in love? Maybe. Into death? Murky waters as deep as an entry-level poet’s metaphors? More likely. In middle school poetry as deep as a kiddy-pool there is the truth and freedom of ignorance, just not knowing how liberating silence can be, or how restricting it is. Winter is here, the rain falleth on cold steel rails of the playground. Now here at the end of the world. You cry, drive and talk till dusk. Why is it so important for us to be free from suffering? Why must we endure anything? The reason I have devised is so we may look back into the air chilly and damp to the bone, and breathe a sigh: “Ah, well at least that is done.” Why trouble yourself? So you may say you have, so you will not wilt like a flower, but instead, thou shall grow in the blossom of the evening. Remember we were all young once. But these memories, we relive them, once, twice, thrice, or maybe even four times. But why? So we may be young more than once? Oh, my poor aching heart is shattered, first by love, then by friends. I feel repine first and foremost for myself for if I was to die before I wake, the angels would cast me into Hades, or perhaps sweet Persephone would have mercy. Courtney Love and Billy Corgan and Kurt Cobain lay claim to she, she who dominates punk rock and yielded a plentiful bounty. The rain cracks open the sky with a mighty sound, a coarse, rusty hammer of my father’s, a relic of Zeus himself. All I can do now is sigh, my papers are wet and ruined. Was my poetry never meant to be? Was I never supposed to be thine?

Every cell screams I can still feel that kiss It hurts me, oh God, it hurts me The black cold Simple answers for difficult questions But in this moment, know yourself There's more in heaven on this Earth Than what's dreamt in our philosophies Through the darkness of future's past The magician longs to see One chants out between two worlds Fire, Walk With Me It is some men's fate to face great darkness And if he doesn't love easily, he loves too much I can't hear it, but I feel it The thought of all the hapless sinners And where their soul is destined to lie Hiding from your fear doesn't make it go away It only makes it stronger And you will learn as I have The value of hate Through the darkness of future's past The magician longs to see One chants out between two worlds Fire, Walk With Me

Instrumental

I'm scared to be someone other than myself I'm scared to be what you want me to be I don't want to be a cliché Anymore... All I want to do is what's best for you Wanna protect you if you need me to Most of the time I'm sure I don't have to Because you know I love you, and you love me, well That's Enough oh That's Enough! And you love me and That's Enough And you love me and That's Enough

*spoken* And on that day, the floods overwhelmed the land The water reclaimed what was rightfully hers And the ocean covered the Earth Dooming the race of man forevermore Some men saw this coming, but they were scoffed at And now all had to pay the price This is the part of the song Where I take part of my mortality Trying to make sense of my mortality Trying to make sense of what I'm doing here This may seem pretty artsy-fartsy, and it is! *sung* Put on this Earth for no reason But to suffer at the hands of each other God put us here for no reason But to suffer for who I am We're all swirling around in this styrofoam cup we've created for ourselves It's the swirling black dredges at the bottom where we lay our friends to rest But I won't take part of the storm that's brewing I refuse to be smothered I will rise above and let my voice ring out And stop the smothering of others, the suffering of others! *spoken* This is the part of the song where the feedback overwhelms the listener And you might start to think...This guy's pretty negative! What does he mean we're just black dredges at the bottom of a styrofoam cup? You might think, "does he really mean that?" I don't know, I still don't know, and that's why I'm writing this song